I have to get this off my chest!

 I have not blogged in years! I’m blogging today for many reasons but I want documents showing what is happening. I debated on writing this on my work computer but I want something just in case. I don’t know what will happen and if anything happens to me or my family this is here. With all that said let me get into this. I think this is harder than any other blog I have written. I’m sick.. the anxiety.. my stomach is constantly in knots. I don’t know why anyone would do this. 

I found out my best friend was pregnant May 13, 2023. I decided we should go on a double date. My best friend and her boyfriend. My husband and I. We decided to go to a bar but we could not decide which bar to go to. We decided to meet up at my best friends house and decided where to go. Parker and I should up and we were waiting for my best friends boyfriend to get there so Parker and I sat on the couch. My best friend was still getting ready so she was back and forth between her bathroom and the front room. On one of those trips to the front room where Parker and I are sitting. She stops and asks “do I look different?” I said “no” and Parker said no and she says “Okay and walks off.” I did not let that slide and followed her to her back room to her laundry room. I stopped her and said “You can’t do that. What is going on?” She said “I found out I’m pregnant” I was so thrown off but super excited. I started to ask questions like anyone else. You see my best friend had her tubes tied. I took her to the hospital to get her tubes tied in 2020. 

Here is her story. 

I went in to the Huntsmen Cancer Institute for a uterus (womb) cancer screening because my mom has had uterine cancer. While I was there they did and ultrasound and the ultrasound tech stopped and went to get the doctor. The doctor came in and told me that I’m pregnant, that I’m 14 weeks pregnant with a girl. 

Back to my story. 

I thought wow what are the chances of that! I even googled the chances. It’s 1/1000 after the first year, and between 2-10/1000 after 5 years. That is 3 years. The chances are slim to none. I remember thinking dang I can’t believe this happened. Then I thought what are the chances of this baby going to full term. I also thought how would this cancer place know how far along she was? Or the gender. I asked her that and she simple says “ they put the ultrasound thing on her belly and there she was with her legs spread. You can see it plan as day.” 

As we all got ready for a new baby I always felt like my best friend was stuck on her boyfriend and how he lied and how she can’t see how to forgive him. It got to a point to where I did not want to talk to her because it was always about him. It was never about the baby. I would have to push to get details. When she was about 19 weeks she begged me to take photos of her. She did not look pregnant and I got frustrated because why not wait tell you show. What’s the hurry for.. 

she says she wants these photos because she want to do something special for her boyfriend for Father’s Day. 

I reluctantly took the photos. I will post them when I know I’m safe to do so. While we were taking those photos I asked “so have to gone in and gotten your 20 week scan yet? Or get a high risk doctor?” She simply answers with “not yet, I should get on that.”

She was at my house for dinner one night and I could tell she was not okay so I asked if she wanted to see something in my room. Where she started to cry and say how scared she is because she could have cancer and she is pregnant and she doesn’t know if baby will live. She said she has to have a high risk doctor because they don’t know if she has cancer and can’t do the testing because she is pregnant. 

Those photos that I took she sent to her boyfriend from my phone right after we were done. 

As time went on we would talk and Marco Polo but not as much as we use to. My friend use to come over often for dinner. It was odd behavior for her to ghost me. I had surgery and she did not show up at all. Shortly after this surgery I Marco poloed her and called her out. I told her that every time I talk to her she doesn’t talk about the baby (who has a name now) and that I have to push to get any answers. She replied back with a well you’re always busy. I trie to call and Jayse has your phone. Or when I do come over you’re busy. The time she is referring to is when she called one Saturday and says “I need to go ti Costco and I don’t think I can drive I’m so tired do you think you can take me” I was cleaning my garage and Parker and I made those plans a while ago.. I once again ditch Parker to take her.. on that trip I asked did you finally get that 20 week scan and she says simply yes.. I went on so you got to see the heart? She just says “yes, everything is great!”  and that was it. On that trip I got her a key lime pie for her birthday and she said I won’t eat this all you hang on to it and I will come back and eat some.. she came back got a piece but I had to help Parker so I was in the garage and she left and said she would come back but never did. 

Now fast forward to when she was supposed to be 26 weeks pregnant and I threw her a baby shower. Last min, her moms was supposed to plan this and I get the feeling now that her mom knew it was fake, 

The stress that I went through for this shower was unreal. I spent a lot of money on it as well. But that is a whole other story. I noticed a few things at this shower. My friend did not look like she was 26 weeks pregnant. She looked the same as the day we went at room picture of her at 19 weeks. I know pregnancy looks different for everyone but it was weird that she did not change at all. 

Her mom did not buy her any gifts. 

But I will go on to two days after this shower. I got a phone call at 10:50pm on a tue. If you know me you know I’m asleep. 

I did not notice this call tell the morning. She also sent some photos of blood on her bed and on her floor. 

I left work and called her and said what hospital are you at and she says “I’m at my moms” I told her I’m on my way. I got there and she was sitting on the couch and she just looks tired. 

I asked how did this happen and she said she was not feeling good the night before and just went to bed. She said she woke up and was shivering, sweating, and just not feeling good. She said she got clothes on and went to the insta care to get checked out. She said she did not know she was bleeding tell she got there and the nurse says “did you sit on something” and they figured out it was blood. They took her right back and tried to find a heart beat and could not find one so they sent her to the er. She delivered the baby and checked herself out. I asked if she saw the baby and she said no. I asked if she was going to do a funeral and she said no. She said that she has people cleaning her house right now because she did not know she was bleeding when she left and sent me the photos of it and I asked how did you get those photos and she said her neighbor sent them to her. Parker then came and got me and I picked her car up at dees. Her car had no blood and no discharge papers. 

I then dropped her car off and went to get her some coffee, got that and took it to her. When she saw parker and Parker hugged her she lost it. I find it weird that she did not do that with me.. she told me earlier that she need to go see her Obgyn, I dropped off the coffee and told her to get some sleep and I will bring her dinner that night. She never talked about going to the doctor. I find it off because don’t you thing she would say things like my doctor thinks this or that? 

I went home and cooked dinner and got it to her at 7, We sat and talked and they mentioned going away for the week they had off. I looked at Parker and told her to go to the cabin and they went that night. While there she swam in a lake. 

I started to question if she was really pregnant. Things were not adding up. I went to the dollar store with her and she did not really Talk about the baby.. she talked about her boyfriend and having problems with him again.. 

I then told a couple of people my thoughts.. a few have had children and Miscarriages.. mind you she has a stillborn not a miscarriage. What stuck out the most is my sister who is now 14 weeks pregnant sent me a photo of an ultrasound she got. 

I remember thinking.. I have only seen one and I did not physically see it I just saw a photo of it.. I then screenshot the photo that she posted and looked at the names and things and noticed they but something on top that I know they can’t. So then I googled “How to tell if an ultrasound is fake” I clicked on the first website and read through it and then right there in blue says make your own fake ultrasound and I clicked on that and for some reason I clicked on the 20 weeks. Which my the way the ultrasound did not look like 14 weeks.

And bam.. my heart dropped to my butt! It’s the SAME photo!! Also the date at the top is for May 11, 2023 she would have been 14 weeks so my is it a 20 week ultrasound?

How.. why! I just don’t get it. I am sick! She is a sick person. Someone who does that is mental! 

I confronted said friend and she kept saying this could ruin my career. 

Here is why I’m questioning things. 

If she did find out she was pregnant from the cancer place they would to a vaginal ultrasound. You would not see the baby as big as it is also how would they know how far along and what gender? You would think legally they would not be able to tell her that and tell her to go to an Obgyn. 

Also the ob would confirm she is pregnant with more ultrasound and a blood draw.. I heard nothing of this and in fact she told me she has only ever had two ultrasound. One at the cancer place and one for 20 weeks and when I asked where are those she said they are on a cd. Lie

Also if she was pregnant she would be high risk and they would do multiple ultrasound. I mean I was not high risk with any of my children but I always had 3 or more. I know I was so excited to show the new ones when I got them. 

Let’s go to when she “had” the baby.

I could have believed her but I remember thinking and still think that is not a lot of blood. It looks like a period. I also remember when I miscarriage at 9 weeks I was in pain! And bleeding so much that it filled the tub. 4 of the people I talked to said the same thing. I asked if she was in a lot of pain and she said no it happened so fast, I felt some cramping when I first got up. Lie

I asked Parker later on if her boyfriend was there and got her from the hospital and parker said he was not in the hospital that he picked her up outside of it cuz remember she checked herself out. She sent me a photo of her in the “hospital” it’s of her belly and her arm around it. She has a hospital band on and when you zoom in she blurred out the date and left her name. Why?

Another thing that has me floored is she never got anything for this baby.. no clothes.. all that I remember her getting is a memory box.. I thought that was odd because that would not be my first thought it would be everything else I would need. 

It was after the shower that I thought she is finally excited about this..all the rest of the time she just stressed. She never really posted about the baby tell after the shower. 

When I left her moms house. She was worried about changing shoes because she bled in her slippers.. the blood was purple. I thought how odd is that.. 

I also thought was odd that the neighbor took photos of the blood and sent it to her. I would not do that.. I would not want that person who I was helping to be embarrassed or think about it. 

All these things are just not adding up. 

I asked her when I confronted her about the ultrasound and she said “I don’t know how they got my ultrasound but they did” the website was created in 2020. I also asked where is the blood in your car if it was all over the house and she said “I had a towel that I used in my boyfriend truck.”

Hum.. I thought you did not know you were bleeding? Also when you leave the hospital they give you pads so why would you need it? 

I don’t know why she did this and it makes me sick! 

Here is the website 

https://babymaybeshop.com/shop/fake-ultrasounds-sonograms/20-weeks/

Here it’s is 3 weeks later and I’m slowly feeling better and I know day by day things will get better. I’m super hurt! Mostly embarrassing that I fell for her lies. Embarrassing because this was a person I loved hole heartedly and my heart is broken that someone I love so much and trusted so much could do something like this it’s just sick! 

I decided to talk to my boss because I took time off for this lie and I did not want to loose my job. I love my job! She asked me to speak with the head of our department, so I did but little did I know that he is a police officer and by law he has to say something so that in turn started an investigation into her. She after all is a person of trust. Today I found out they closed the investigation. I was instructed to continue with victims advocate. Which tells me she either got into trouble with her job or she got fired. Again I never set out to do that. I was just trying to cover my own behind. But let’s just say it’s an added bonus. With all this said.. if I was lying or was wrong why would they reprimand her? It just show you and me that I was sadly not wrong. In a way I hopped I was. It’s easier to apologize than to deal with the feelings I’m left with knowing that she indeed lied. I don’t know what is going to happen, I don’t know if she will try to get back at me or just move on. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on. I know I will and I know that I will get past this and hopefully laugh at her and at this but for now I just feel sick! 

Chore & Reward system.

I wanted to try to explain How I do chores with my kids and how we have a reward system. I know that what works for one family may not work for another. This is just what I have found that works for now. My kids have to have instant gratification. I absolutely hate that! I'm trying very hard to change that but it has been a struggle. I'm not going to sit here and claim to know it all because I don't. I'm learning things as I go.

One thing that I would like to point out is I was not taught these things. My mom tried to have a chore system, Chore charts.. everything and nothing seemed to work. 

What I have learned is you have to stick with it.. You have to be consistent in order for anything to work. 

With that said.. Here we go..

First off we don't do chores. We don't call them chores. I noticed that when I said "Okay Kids its time to get our chores done." They would flip out.. I can see Kell now doing the melting thing off the couch on to the floor so she can throw a fit and not do it. 

We call our chores Zones. Yes, Jordan Page is a genius! I have 4 Zones that conclude of my house.

I also made a Zone chart so that the girls know what Zone they have. I also made little cards for them to check off and laminated all  of it, I noticed that my kids would sit there and said "I Don't know what to do" when in fact they know what to do.. With the check list cards it helps them to know what to do. Also I help Miss McKell a little bit because she is still learning to read.  Jayse is a whole other ball game and Parker tries to do his Zone with him, If he throws a fit or throw something or something that a 3 year old would do I set him in time out.

Zone 1 Kitchen,  We have an Island in our kitchen and all I really want them to do is clear off the Island, wipe it down, Sweep and mop. The rest I do because both of my girls have not learned how to do dishes yet because I'm not a fan of water everywhere. 

Zone 2 Bathrooms and Hallways, I have two bathrooms in my house and I want them to clean both sinks, floors, tub, and I help them with the toilet. 

Zone 3 Front room, That is just the normal cleaning. I also put dusting on there. 

Zone 4 dining room, We don't use this often so for the most part it has toys that spilled over from the girls room, 

I also put those Clorox disinfecting wipes in every Zone and they dust or clean the island with that.. No messy cleaners involved. The only one that has a little more is the bathroom because of the toilet. 

I also did a reward system. Like I said my kids need to get something in order for them to want to do it. I also stole the ticket Idea from Jordan Page.. Like I said she is a genius!! My kids love it. They are just the tickets that you normally get for a raffle, You can get them at wal mart for a few bucks. We re use ours so they last a long time.

My Kids have a little jar they put their tickets in. I got them at walmart during Valentines day and they were just a couple of bucks. 

The girls can earn a lot of tickets. I give them 1 for their Zone and 1 for their Rooms but they have to have both of them done in order for them to get tickets. 

Both the girls were throwing their back packs and shoes all over when they got home so I also give them a ticket for hanging them up and putting them away. I don't tell them to do it. I only give them one if they do it with out being asked. The only time I remind them what to do is with their Zones and room.

The girls where having a hard time with one getting something and the other not. Both Parker and I decided that we would choose one person a day that did their Zone and room and give them 3 tickets. It also helps them to know what they did wrong in their Zone. I really like this. It has helped a lot with the crying about she getting something and I did not. It doesn't always work and one cries but we are working on it. 

I don't really give Jayse tickets. He is way to little to understand that.. Parker or I will blow some bubbles while he is cleaning something. That really seems to work with him. 

At the end of the day we add all the points they get on their little card and that is how many tickets they get.

The girls earn a lot of tickets through out the week. I also have a ticket store. Don't know if I mentioned that before. We have a ticket store Thursday or Friday. That all depends on which week Cloie goes to her Dads house. 

My girls love the ticket store. I just get little things that they would want and put however many tickets I think it should be. If they don't have enough tickets for something then they either have to choose something else or save their tickets. I think Cloie is trying to save her tickets for a movie day. 

I have a paper that I printed out that has all the info for all this on it so that the girls know what is going on. They also have to pay me tickets to Play outside, watch netflix or Youtube, craft, Get a toy from the store, Earn a treat, Go to the movies, Get a movie from the redbox, Or a treat.. 

Now, if they do something wrong that I don't like such as hit, or throw things they loose tickets. 

If they are caught lying they loose tickets and have to write I will not lie 100 times. I also have printed this off so they know what not to do. If they do 3 or more of those things that is on the list they get grounded. 

Have you seen the whole "Congratulations your grounded" Paper, Well if you have not look it up on Pinterest or Google. It is such a genius Idea. I loved that they knew what they were grounded for and knew how to get ungrounded. Well, If my kids do 3 or more of the Don't do then they get grounded and have to earn points to get ungrounded. Luckily that has only happened once. 

As you can see McKell is grounded for throwing a fit. 

That is my Zone and reward system! 

I know it may seem complicated to some but it really does work! I found all of these Ideas on Pinterest and other sites. If it is one thing I'm good at its searching things.. lol 

Like I said before I'm learning as I go. Another thing I have been trying to work with the girls on is Homework and doing their laundry. I noticed that If I put Laundry on a day where they know then they will do it. The girls Laundry day is when why have dance. McKell is Monday, Jayse (which I do) is Tuesday, Cloie is Wednesday, and the rest of the week is my clothes and the house hold stuff. I'm trying to get them to do their Laundry fold it and put it away but that is a little hard when they have School and dance so I will fold it for them but they put it away. That one is hard for me!! They just shove it where ever it will fit! so I'm working on that. lol
Let me know how you do your chore system. What works for you?
Thanks
Beth 

Health part 1

Happy Wednesday everyone! The week is almost over.. That is reason to smile. 

I wanted to talk about health today. I'm going to be doing a part serious about health. 

Let me first say I suck at health! You see Health and I don't see eye to eye.. Health seems to think I'm fat and lazy.. Oh wait thats me. Kidding. 

I am the biggest I have ever been. Even durning my 3 pregnancies.  At least I think so.. I never did follow the scale when I was pregnant and I just got one maybe a year ago. lol 

I weighed myself today. I weigh 182.4 That is bad but I'm telling you all this not to make fun of my self but to hopeful become self aware and maybe help someone else like me.

Let me take you back to my childhood. I was skinny.. Like clothes falling off skinny. I felt like it took me forever to get to the big kid sizes. 

Now in my teen years I was skinny too. I hated to run the mile!! That was the worst! I did walk a lot thought. 

It was when I hit my adult hood when I realized that I was gaining weight, but even then I was not fat. I did not work out. I did not watch what I eat. I would just eat. 

I remember my sister going on an all protein diet.. I thought "Okay lets give this a shot" I did it for one meal. I just did not have self control. 

A few years ago I had a surgery. (every pregnancy is a surgery, C sections and all) I don't know if you do this or if its just me but I loose weight when my body goes though a big change like that. Also I had to have a blood transition and I eat crackers for like 2 days.. 

After that and the doctor gave me the clear, I started a gym membership. I wanted to keep what I lost off. This was the first time I tried anything like this and I also got  a personal trainer. I worked out for 4 or 5 months. I would try to go twice a week but most of the time I ended up going once a week. I loved the trainer and the people but it was a lot of money. I also felt what I was learning I could do at home so I quit the gym and thought I will do this at home. 

I was also learning to eat healthy foods for the first time in my life. Growing up we just eat what was there and easy. 

I stopped eating health and fell off the track I was going for. That was (I think) last year at this time. I lost a little bit of weight but what I really noticed was my clothes they would fit baggy. Now I can't even fit into those clothes. 

So.. now that you know a little but of my story, I bet your sitting there and thinking "So Beth, What is your plan?" 

I want to find a medium. I don't want to go nuts with the health thing but I do want to take better care of myself and control what I eat. 

Now that I said that its easy.. Right!! 

I wish.. I'm going to work out at least 4 times a week. For how ever long I can.  Yes, from home.. Being a mom and all. I'm not going to eat out, and I'm going to try to at least eat two healthy meals ( I say two because I normally try to make dinner normally and not go nuts with the health thing because of my kids)  a day and 3 health snacks. I'm also going to watch potion sizes and hopefully eat more fruits and veggies. 

I'm going to try to give you all a little update ever Wednesday, But mostly I will come back in 3 weeks and tell you all where I'm at and then again in another 3 weeks. I know that I might have my fall backs but I can do this!! at least that is what I keep telling myself..

I was going to do pictures and all but really I'm not that brave. 

By doing this I'm hoping that I will look back and see my struggles or my success. 

I will however show you a picture of me two years ago and a picture of me when I went to the gym. I don't feel like I see much difference in this picture. The one on the left is two years ago and the one on the right is like a year ago.

I'm doing this because I want to be active and be able to get my son when he runs away or ride bikes with my kids. I also want to just fit in my old clothes. Yes, They are a size 14 but I can't even fit into that. I also want to feel better about myself and I notice that I hated working out but I felt better about myself when I did. So here goes nothing..

Much love, 

Beth 

 

Into to me and my Family.

Hi there, I'm Beth and hopefully I can get my husband Parker to make some appearances.
I have been blogging for many years now. My other blogs were about me and my personal things. I feel like it turned into me complaining about my life. That is not what I wanted so I'm making changes to my blog and my life. One of them is starting over fresh! I feel free.. Lol
I have 3 children, Clo who is 9, Kell who is 6, and our little man Jayse who will be turning 3.
My life is pretty crazy!
I work 4 hours a day and luckily I can take my children with me, Other than that I'm a stay at home mom. Some days I love it but other days it is very hard.
Oh and don't let me forget our fish Beta (Kell's choice in name) and our family dog Molly.
I want this blog to be about my family and our adventures.
I also would like to add a little bit such as how to videos. I have many Ideas on that.
I hope that you stick with me as I learn new things and make these changes and share them with you.

About Parker: His passion is off road racing, Parker has a Suzuki Samurai. (Don't know what that is google it) Its like a Jeep (He would be so mad at me for saying Jeep) but smaller.
He got his Sami who he calls Rufus when he was 16 and has been in love ever since. He competes when he feels like it but mostly its for fun. He is a people person! Ialways tell him that he has the gift to gab. He loves talking to people and making new friends. (Kell gets that from him.)
He is what you would call a self-taught mechanic. He constantly has a project to fix in what is known as the Barn. (Its like a barn but smaller and has a garage door)
Parker has the biggest heart. He forgives easily but also gets hurt easily. He is always willing to help anyone who need help.

About Clo: She is like any 9 year old. She has an attitude that at times is very hard to handle. She and I butt heads a lot. I think its because she is so much like me. She is very shy. She keeps to herself. Loves math and hates to read (She doesn't get that from me!) She loves to craft and color. She is very creative and loves to cook. She is a really big help when she wants to be but she has to have the mind set to do it or she won't. She is very independent and wants to do things on her own. She is a great big sister to her bother and sister. She is also Parker's step child. I'm saying that because I'm sure the talk of Co- Parenting might come up a time or two. We never use the word Step in our family and Parker has never thought of Clo as anything but his daughter.

about Kell: She is a lively little one. She loves with her whole heart. (she gets that from her dad) Everyone is her best friend. Even is she doesn't know you she calls you her best friend. She loves to play with her dolls and says she is going to be a baby doctor when she goes up ( she gets that from me) She is a great middle child and mostly blends in so its hard to catch her when she is in trouble. She loves to ride her bike. She is often called a tom boy but she also loves her lip stick (chapstick) she doesn't know the difference. Kell is what you would call a lover not a fighter. She is my wild child and often marches to the beat of her own drums.

About Jayse: He is like any boy and loves cars! anything that goes he wants to figure it out.  He has a million and one cars at home that he likes to leave on the floor for mommy and daddy to step on. He doesn't like to listen and he is very head strong. I often find him doing something that gives me a heart attack, brave little one. He loves to ride his bike (Bikie) and loves to just be outside.

about me: I don't often talk about myself so sometimes its hard to explain who I am.
all I really tell anyone is I'm a mom. That is all I have known for 9 years. That is what I wanted to be the most. Next was a baby doctor. (Midwife) Someday I'm hoping to go back to school and become just that, For now I'm content with just being a mom, That is hard enough to figure out. I'm not perfect so hopefully you never think that I am. I'm trying to learn and just be the best mom and wife I can be. Most of the time I forget about myself.
I love to read.. I have not always loved to read. I remember the first book I read that got me into reading. I still to this day can't remember what it was called but I know it was a Nora Roberts book that had a tree on the front.  Looking back I don't know why this book spoke to me, I think its because I was not in a good place at the time and I was still trying to find out who I was. I was 19 and this was the first time I was away from home. I was hooked ever since. I read almost anything!
I love to craft, That all started with my mom. I remember staying up late and listening to her sew us  my brothers and sisters easter clothes. I started in High school and hated it.. I just continued to teach myself with a lot of help from my mom and now I love to sew.
I love to make things.. anything really. I taught myself how to crochet. That was fun but my problem is I feel like I do it to much and then stop doing it.
Pintrest is my favorite thing.. lol
You tube too..
I love to sing.. Most people don't know that about me. I don't sing often because honestly I don't have enough self confidence. Also you can ask Parker.. I kinda suck at it. lol
I have a hard time talking to people or coming off rude. Parker often tells me that what I said or did was rude. I don't even notice it. I also think I have what is known as mom life, which in turn makes it hard to relate to adults.. Lol actually looking back I kinda always related to children more. I loved them and I loved being around them. That is hard now.. lol I often want to lock mine in a room and run.. Like there is bomb about to blow.. lol Mom life.. Right??
I'm going to try to post something new every Wednesday. Stay tuned.. (Ps that might not always happen)

Thanks
Lil Jackson Family